I don't want u to read this... If u know me then please don't read anymore... Its just because i can't take it anymore... today i feel like a 3 cm sapling with two leaves and a stem, looking for a ray of sunlight after a nuclear holocaust. waiting badly for a little light so that something positive could be synthesized within. I feel so lonely. like the whole world is against me. they don't want me to grow, they don't want to think o care about what i want. There was no one in the vicinity to pour some water of kindness. Everyone wanted me to be dead. They believe being dead is the best thing for me. I don't 've to fight for myself, I don't 've to wait for any sunshine or a drizzle to come my way, I don't 've to make myself grow in a way so that I get out of the shelter an wet myself in the rain. Finally I don't ve to LIVE.

Every person that i talked to today wanted me back in the shit hole. be DEAD an yet live. they want me to suffocate, choke, fill my lungs with the dark an black smoke so that they can see me HAPPY... Don't they see that if I am not happy being in that dungeon how the hell are they going to SEE ME HAPPY... I FEEL PATHETIC... I don't know if they are enjoying this part, I don't think they can conceal it that well either. Even people who doesn't even know what i want to be, find a hell of a pleasure suing me. I don't know... even the idea of comin home was a big mistake...

If u find me choked to death, pls don't look for any another motive... People around me want me dead...

Its just coz that i had read and heard about many ppl who had been in similar sit and that I believe that I 've some responsibility towards my being, I cant kill myself... But, if someone who can do that for me I would prefer that... being killed by a single stab with a knife is better than being choked by everyone else in the hall...